i need something new. something to change. monotony is killing me. i need to hack off all my hair or ink my skin or cut myself open. something. anything to make me feel less like i'm bursting apart at the seams. i hate when i get like this. when i can't see anything but the bad. when my mind is nothing but a constant buzz of negativity and sadness.

i was so scared this would happen. that this would come back into my life. i was so happy...so content for so long. things were looking so bright, so good for once. i was in a new city, i was starting a new relationship, i was finally feeling like it was ok to be myself. and now...now i just want to crawl into a hole and dissapear. like i am nothing. like i am a waste.

fuck.